Research

I would also like to somehow feel part of my Samoan culture but as this comes out of family connections and shared family experiences, I can't see how I can ever get in.

A lot of men struggle to make deep friendships. They talk about the game on Saturday, feel that a lot of men lack some very basic friendship skills and how to talk to people at a deeper level.

No family, friends, no kinship here. Not knowing how things rolled, where the markets were, the food.

Christchurch is very white - I was “whangai’d” out to family who came to live in Christchurch. There was nothing Māori in school, I didn’t know anything about my culture. I was a bit of a late starter. There’s a belonging that I wanted to attach to something. I was disconnected from my culture.

When you are just a little bit different from those around you, it is not that they are excluding you: you are just not like them. As far as really belonging, I think I always felt just on the outside, but that must come from me - not from them.

Research in Auckland, asking about connectedness. People in Auckland live in apartments, there is sense of isolation. One of the research questions was is there a community - most people said, yes but I'm not part of it.

Elderly have a really hard time belonging. On a daily basis, Isolation stops them from belonging.

Loneliness has been identified as a real problem, especially in older people. Senior males are the highest suicide rates we have.

A case of people not knowing and sometimes when on your own, don't like to attract attention to the fact that they are lonely.

Minority cultures - youth are experiencing social isolation, especially Pacific Islanders. South American youth are possibly okay because there’s a fairly big community.

People’s friendship groups - sometimes people have formed friendships beforehand and people forget you exist. For some people who haven’t found someone to hang out with during the course, then they are on the outer of it.

The city: anonymity. I lived in a building with another 500 people and didn’t even know who lived next door. We [ie people in apartment] lived together in a small space and were not actually connected.

We’ve lost the ability of asking our neighbour, our shopkeeper, about a one-off need in terms of relationships, transport, help in the house. And we’ve replaced it with a service system.

There is a veneer of affluence. People want to hide; people are afraid to ask for help. Because we’re in Wanaka, there’s an expectation that if you’re here you can manage it. When I came here, it was egalitarian. We’re getting more pulled apart, we’re getting more have and have nots. People are reluctant to show they can’t manage.

It’s a Kiwi thing of toughen-up, sort it out. Sort out your own stuff, it’s not someone else’s issue. It’s a cultural thing, pioneering.

It’s a lot harder to get by. More survival pressure than expected. We are seeing a lot of mental health issues in young and then families. Single people as well. Family splits, family violence. Social problems are all here. There is support to help people, but until they are ready to ask…

Must be hard for disabled people, or new immigrants, because they’re always asking. They’re likely to see a negative response to their asking.