Self and values
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Lack of self-esteem or confidence
Lacking self-esteem or confidence can lead to a sense of not belonging. Participants spoke about how low self-esteem affected them personally, manifesting in thoughts of self-doubt and uncertainty. They talked about feeling like an outsider, judging themselves based on others’ standards - about their looks, weight or disability, and feeling out of their depth at work.
When there is lack of tolerance, understanding from other people, so you realise you are not with like-minded people – I automatically go into self-censorship. It’s the superficiality. Do I want to get past it? No, too many different views.
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When there is lack of tolerance, understanding from other people, so you realise you are not with like-minded people – I automatically go into self-censorship. It’s the superficiality. Do I want to get past it? No, too many different views.
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Sometime it’s an internal thing: I’m telling myself I’m not good enough.
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I recognise that I’m probably... I feel like I belong a lot more than perhaps others with different experiences of where I come from etc. There’s some real commonalities, the impacts of my feelings. Of being on the outer or feeling isolated or alone in a group. Self doubt, do I know enough? Being able to hold the space you’re standing in, when you’re feeling out of balance.
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Weight impacts you from a self-esteem perspective of how much you want to get involved in activities. I was a singer and could have been a good one but the self-esteem issues stop you from putting yourself forward. We limit ourselves from putting ourselves forward for fear of being judged. As a young woman – wouldn’t get chosen to go to the dance, wouldn’t be picked as one of the cool kids. Has a huge impact, if you don’t fit that mould of what beauty is as a society you have that negativity.
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Experiencing trauma, having traumatic experiences through being a minority. Also I grew up with trauma, and being a minority and disadvantaged in terms of not having mentally healthy parents. I was not feeling worthy enough to contribute to the community.
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More recently, being in this role at [xxx], I’m part of the senior leadership team at [xxx]. I’m very young compared to the other managers. I don’t have any managing experience, it’s my first full time job as well. I feel like I shouldn’t be in the room, I feel I don’t deserve the seat at the table, I don’t match what the other directors and managers bring to the table as well.
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The immediate thing that came to mind, at work. Starting a new position, getting new responsibilities and deep down not feeling up to standard, not feeling adequate to what you’re doing.
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Lots of anxiousness and feeling they’re not confident. An innate feeling. They’re aware that they struggle with interaction with people and communicating. Whatever we do, we need to communicate with someone.
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Peer pressure to do something and you have no confidence to say no. Or you get hammered for saying to do it.
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Different values from those around you
When you feel like your values aren’t shared by people you live with, work with or connected to, it can cause a sense of disconnection. Participants spoke about feeling like they didn’t belong when they shared personal or political views different from the majority. Others shared how they felt worried about their local community changing as people with different values around money moved in.
Because I have a strong sense of social justice, I don’t feel like I belong in terms of the views I put forward.
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Because I have a strong sense of social justice, I don’t feel like I belong in terms of the views I put forward.
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I felt a very strong sense of belonging when I first come here but now it’s changed. At the start I had a strong sense of shared values with most of the people but now it’s a wealthy neoliberal capitalist patriarchal model where it’s like a gold town, where everyone is grabbing while they can, and this creates an expectation that we accept “growth is good” and “we’ll all benefit from growth.”
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People respecting you. People have different morals, views, lifestyles. And it’s about respecting them and them respecting you. You respect other people whether you agree with their morals or not, and they don’t.
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Have no bridge to the new people. I feel defensive of our community because it’s very connected and sharing. I feel like they come in with different values. Their values are money.
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